Obviously, men and women communicate with different basic styles. Women will often talk to connect. Men will usually talk to make points and problem solve.
This often becomes a source of frustration in relationships. The talking styles we have can cause conflict and separation rather than bringing us together. Becoming more aware of not only your talking style but your mates can make a big difference in how much intimacy you experience in your relationship.
Speaking in generalities, a basic male communication style is to take charge and make points in a conversation. Men are territorial by instinct, and this shows up in conversation. They may interrupt more, try to make points, and then argue or try to convince people that their points are correct.
And we all have heard that men need to be problem solvers in communication. Historically, men are the hunters and killers. Go find the deer, then shoot the deer, then have meat. Same in conversation. Find the problem and then shoot the problem with a solution. Your boss sucks is the problem. Their solution is you need to quit your job. They have found and solved your problem, mission accomplished, pride felt!
A normal talking style for women is often to converse to connect and reflect. They don't need to have things figured out. They often aren't trying to get to a resolution. They don't need to dominate their partner with points or a solution. They actually share their thinking process out loud as a way to connect.
So a female will certainly admit that the boss sucks, then say that the boss is having a hard time in their marriage and that's probably why they aren't so nice. Women can be much more circular in their conversation. Going from one point to a seemingly related or unrelated one.
This of course drives men up the wall. You've identified the deer, the boss who sucks. Then sharing that the deer is having problems with Bambi's dad is not relevant to the guy. Are you going to shoot the darn deer by quitting your job or are you going to offer it therapy?
The way the sexes communicate differently is vast. But if you get that men like to make clear points and kill off problems, and that women often like to communicate to share and connect and reflect, you are off to a great start. Then you can try this: take some time each week to communicate in your mate's style, not yours, and see what happens.
This often becomes a source of frustration in relationships. The talking styles we have can cause conflict and separation rather than bringing us together. Becoming more aware of not only your talking style but your mates can make a big difference in how much intimacy you experience in your relationship.
Speaking in generalities, a basic male communication style is to take charge and make points in a conversation. Men are territorial by instinct, and this shows up in conversation. They may interrupt more, try to make points, and then argue or try to convince people that their points are correct.
And we all have heard that men need to be problem solvers in communication. Historically, men are the hunters and killers. Go find the deer, then shoot the deer, then have meat. Same in conversation. Find the problem and then shoot the problem with a solution. Your boss sucks is the problem. Their solution is you need to quit your job. They have found and solved your problem, mission accomplished, pride felt!
A normal talking style for women is often to converse to connect and reflect. They don't need to have things figured out. They often aren't trying to get to a resolution. They don't need to dominate their partner with points or a solution. They actually share their thinking process out loud as a way to connect.
So a female will certainly admit that the boss sucks, then say that the boss is having a hard time in their marriage and that's probably why they aren't so nice. Women can be much more circular in their conversation. Going from one point to a seemingly related or unrelated one.
This of course drives men up the wall. You've identified the deer, the boss who sucks. Then sharing that the deer is having problems with Bambi's dad is not relevant to the guy. Are you going to shoot the darn deer by quitting your job or are you going to offer it therapy?
The way the sexes communicate differently is vast. But if you get that men like to make clear points and kill off problems, and that women often like to communicate to share and connect and reflect, you are off to a great start. Then you can try this: take some time each week to communicate in your mate's style, not yours, and see what happens.
About the Author:
You can learn much more about this in the free course 7 Vital Marriage Insights You Couldnt Learn In School at Marriage Guidance That Works. Johnnie S Laney teaches relationship and emotional intelligence courses and you can get more here Marriage Advice Help Secrets.
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