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Marrying An Older Man

By Astrid Engels

It's an unfortunate fact of life that love is not always seen as the primary motive behind the marriage of an older man and a younger woman. Even as gay marriage has become more acceptable than in the past, the marriage of a younger woman to an older man is still viewed by some as a dash for the cash.

There's no doubt that marriage, any marriage, is hard work. And all marriages will face issues that can make or break the relationship. Marriage to a man who is old enough to be your father will present special challenges that you may not have considered.

What others think. Get used to it now because you're in for a world of hurt if you don't; other people will disapprove of your marriage. And they'll think nothing of letting you know how they feel. If you have a sense of humor have some t-shirts made up with 'gold digger' for you and 'cradle robber' for him. Get another one that says 'I'm not his daughter, I'm his wife!'.

Children. Chances are that the love of your life already has children. Are you prepared that you may have stepchildren that are older than you are? If you want children of your own, does your partner want to start another family? In most relationships the desire to have children or not is a deal breaker.

Health. You're 35, he's 57. How long you'll have together depends not just on genes but also lifestyle. Does your partner eat healthy and does he exercise regularly? A 57 beer swilling cigarette smoking couch potato is going to kick the bucket a lot sooner than a man who looks after himself.

Downtime. When you're not working, what do you like to do together as a couple? Will your partner be able to keep up with you as you get older? And consider too your social life. Couples with more than 20 years between them are of different generations and you may not want to hang out with people who resemble your parents, nor he with people he considers children.

Work and retirement. How is your partner going to feel when he retires at age 60 and you still have 20 years of working life ahead of you? If you intend to stay home with any children you may have, how will you feel about having him home every day?

Any good relationship that goes the distance is made up of a number of factors; love and constant communication are just two. Before you tie the knot, talk to your partner, in detail, about your hopes and dreams for the two of you. Don't be afraid to get specific. Better you iron out your differences now than in divorce court.

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