We all know about the pain that goes with not having a lover. We feel alone, we feel like something isn't right, we feel a loss. Yes, we're all right by ourselves, but we want a partner. It hurts not to have one in our lives in various ways.
But then we all think when we find a mate that that pain should go away, and it does. We feel whole, happy, complete, for a time. The first few months are usually the honeymoon phase, where we feel the most merged with our partner. Everything is great. The pain of not being in a relationship is completely gone.
But the honeymoon phase can't last. After a few months we move into the second phase of relationship, the me/us phase. This period is about being in a relationship but also being separate, following our own goals and interests. We want to be with our mate still, but not ALL the time. And here some pain begins to return.
So in the second phase of relationship we love our partner, but maybe they seem too needy. Or they seem too distant. Or they seem too uncommunicative. Or they seem to not want to give us any space, or they seem to need too much space.
Then we start to worry, or feel pressured, or wonder if we made a mistake, or start to feel desperate for the honeymoon phase again. We have now entered into the pain of being in a relationship! Here's a relationship insight for you: there is pain in not being in a relationship, and there is pain in being in a relationship!
Because the honeymoon phase is so fulfilling, we all tend to think our whole relationship should feel that way. But it can't and it won't. There is more to life than finding a mate. There are other journey's we must take. Your intimate relationship was never meant to be the source of all your happiness.
Here then is a useful point to recognize. There will be pain in any relationship. It might be slight, like feeling a bit lonely around your mate, or it might be very painful, like getting rejected or rejecting your partner.
So you are doing well if you understand that intimate relationships come with pain. You don't need to kill off the relationship because you are hurting or your partner is dissatisfied. Dissatisfaction is just another pain we can feel inside a relationship. You can stay in your relationship through the pain. Another relationship won't be the answer, because it will have pain too.
And another thing to understand is that you can let the pains that arise in your relationship lead you to greater understanding. You can stay in the relationship and usually work through the painful experiences. And you can both continue to mature and grow inside the pains and joys of having a partnership.
But then we all think when we find a mate that that pain should go away, and it does. We feel whole, happy, complete, for a time. The first few months are usually the honeymoon phase, where we feel the most merged with our partner. Everything is great. The pain of not being in a relationship is completely gone.
But the honeymoon phase can't last. After a few months we move into the second phase of relationship, the me/us phase. This period is about being in a relationship but also being separate, following our own goals and interests. We want to be with our mate still, but not ALL the time. And here some pain begins to return.
So in the second phase of relationship we love our partner, but maybe they seem too needy. Or they seem too distant. Or they seem too uncommunicative. Or they seem to not want to give us any space, or they seem to need too much space.
Then we start to worry, or feel pressured, or wonder if we made a mistake, or start to feel desperate for the honeymoon phase again. We have now entered into the pain of being in a relationship! Here's a relationship insight for you: there is pain in not being in a relationship, and there is pain in being in a relationship!
Because the honeymoon phase is so fulfilling, we all tend to think our whole relationship should feel that way. But it can't and it won't. There is more to life than finding a mate. There are other journey's we must take. Your intimate relationship was never meant to be the source of all your happiness.
Here then is a useful point to recognize. There will be pain in any relationship. It might be slight, like feeling a bit lonely around your mate, or it might be very painful, like getting rejected or rejecting your partner.
So you are doing well if you understand that intimate relationships come with pain. You don't need to kill off the relationship because you are hurting or your partner is dissatisfied. Dissatisfaction is just another pain we can feel inside a relationship. You can stay in your relationship through the pain. Another relationship won't be the answer, because it will have pain too.
And another thing to understand is that you can let the pains that arise in your relationship lead you to greater understanding. You can stay in the relationship and usually work through the painful experiences. And you can both continue to mature and grow inside the pains and joys of having a partnership.
About the Author:
You can learn much more about this in the free course 7 Vital Relationship Insights You Never Learned In School Help With Relationships . Johnnie S Laney teaches relationship and emotional intelligence courses and you can get more here Love Relationship Help Quotes.
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