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Relationship Help Around Conflict

By Johnnie S Laney

Conflict is going to happen in any relationship. There are healthy ways to deal with conflict and unhealthy ways.

If you deal with conflict in the following ways, you can kill your relationship. Trying to dominate your partner by shouting or screaming at them is common but a big danger sign. Mocking your partner or insulting them during conflict is another way to cause lasting relationship damage.

However, there are several things you can do when conflict arises that are healthy. First, you can take a few deep breathes and notice your reactions. One common reaction to conflict is to revert tot he emotional age of an eight year old.

Notice while breathing that conflict causes crappy conduct. People yell, scream, throw things, withdraw behind a wall of silence, hate on their mates. You don't need to take it too personally. It isn't personal, it is just adults being frustrated and acting like kids. Try not to take it personally.

Another way to deal with conflict healthily is to learn to de-escalate it. Don't let it build up to the point where you say or do things you'll regret. One way to de-escalate can be to withdraw for five minutes. Say I need a few minutes to think about this, then leave the room.

Also, once you've finished the immediate argument, don't withhold your affection. Don't refuse to touch or caress your partner for days just because they fought with you. This can end up killing your relationship.

Arguments will happen between any two healthy adults. If you can take some time, calm down, then reconnect with your mate and show some affection, it is a healthy way to get through a challenging time. Don't wait for your mate to reconnect after an argument. Don't let the bitterness linger.

There is much more to the art and science of dealing well with conflict. Most of us never got taught conflict resolution skills in school. These few pointers can be a good start.

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